Just before flying back to England, some friends and I made a trip to Yosemite for the weekend. We headed out there after work on Friday, setting off at around 7pm with the car full of enormous sandwiches, bourbon and sleeping bags.
The 200 mile drive took about 4 and a half hours, including a couple of stops, so we arrived pretty late, just wanting to set ourselves up and get some sleep ready for the big day to follow. However, before we could do that, we had to empty all food and smelly stuff from the car, or face a $5000 fine for tempting bears into camp; there was a special bear proof locker outside all the tents into which we threw the aforementioned monolithic sandwiches, chocolate and toiletries.
After a few hours sleep, we woke up at about 6:30am, to be met by this view:

Note the angle of the trees – I was craning right back just to get that cliff in the viewfinder… And that started a day of incomprehensible scales and impossible vistas.
The plan was to hike up Half Dome, a mountain nearly 9,000 ft high. Although the campsite was already roughly as high above sea level as the tallest mountain in Britain, we still had a 5,000ft climb up to the summit. To make this clearer, if Robert Wadlow, world’s tallest human, was as big as Half Dome, we would have been camping near his crotch, while Ben Nevis would be up to his belt. Meanwhile, the Eiffel Tower would be halfway up Wadlow’s shin, or at the shoulder of Gul Mohammed; world’s smallest man. Basically, although we were starting high, there was still a long way to go.
After bagels and cream cheese for breakfast, we set off. I was carrying 5 litres of water, a sandwich the size of the Indian subcontinent, a few Snickers bars, a hat, a jumper, waterproof hat and waterproof trousers, as “the weather can turn quickly at high altitudes”.
I quickly came to realise that I’d made a grave error. As we moved up out of the valley on the Misty Trail, and into the sunlight, it became obvious that it was going to be a scorching day, and that I had about 10kg of useless on my back. Undeterred, we pressed on up and to the side of Vernal Fall.



By this point, things were getting a bit warm, so the blast of misted snow melt from this waterfall was very welcome!
From Vernal Fall, it was on and up to Nevada Fall; an enormous waterfall onto slanting rock. 20 feet before the fall itself, the river looks completely innocuous and harmless – quite a transformation!

By the time we reached the top of Nevada Fall, it was around 10:30am, and we were roughly halfway to the summit. The next hour or so was gentle enough climbing up through pine forests, with the imposing bulk of Half Dome itself appearing to our left.

At about 11:30am, due to a few too many Snickers and energy bars, and burgeoning sunstroke, I thought it would be a great idea to run the rest of the ascent, so off I shot, aiming to get to the summit for lunch. This actually went better than could be expected, and although I was basically dying, I did manage to catch up with the leaders of our expedition (who had continued while we were messing about at Nevada Fall).
As we neared the final ascent – the side of the dome itself – we could see a little line of ants on the side of the huge lump of granite; ants that gradually turned into tourists from Nebraska.

Now, I’ve never had to queue for a mountain before. And although in principle I’m a big fan of The Great Outdoors being popular enough for there to be congestion here and there, the fact that you were expected to wait for an hour and a half before starting the final ascent was a bit strange to me…
Still, I sat and took an inconsequential feast from a sandwich the size of Michael Jackson’s remembrance book, and waited for everyone to catch up. By now, it was really hot. We were way above the treeline, so there was no shade, and the white granite was bouncing back the intense sun from all angles.
The final pull up to the summit was very steep bare rock – maybe a 55° slope – so a pair of metal cables have been run to the top, the idea being that you pull yourself up to the top between the cables. It was this “between the cables” bottleneck causing the queue, so we decided to go up the outside of the pair, using just the one cable and bypassing the delay.

The summit was barren and indescribably hot. Hot, hot, hot. We heard afterwards that it was 110°F.
The views from the top were amazing; the globular granite mountains seemed so extra-terrestrial to me. But it was the sheer 1,500ft drop off the front of the dome that was most striking.



After an hour or so mincing and recovering on top, we started down the mountain. The descent proceeded without incident, stopping only to refill water (making it 7 litres that day, in total), and get a couple of pics of Half Dome with Nevada Falls in the foreground.
